For Who You Are
by Jazyrha
Summary: /-Dedicated to Sachie-san-/ She doesn't like Kyouya. She hates him. Because Kyouya isn't anything like Miyabi-kun. /-KyouRenge-/ Then why is it she cannot stop thinking about him?


**For Who You Are.**

_This story is written for Renge- aka Sachie-san. This was for an art trade. Ahem, it's about 5 pages (but not so much words XD)... XD I hope you like it, hun'! XD_

She plays games to forget about the loneliness around her. She plays games and falls in love with digital people to forget how bad she feels. Her father is always gone and she is only child.

She is always alone.

So she plays games and falls in love with the sweet words, the handsome men, even when she knows it isn't true. It's all she has. It is all she'll ever have.

"Renge really like playing games," her father says in the doorway, when the door slowly opens.

She sits in the couch, a red ribbon tying her hair. The controller is in her hands, her eyes focuses on that one person she loves with all her heart.

"Is that wrong?" she asks, her voice without any kind of life.

Whole her room is full with dolls, little figures, posters, everything of that one person.

Miyabi-kun.

Miyabi with his frameless glasses, his perfect smile, his sweet, comforting words. Miyabi, with his gentle heart, his kind look. Miyabi, who is simply perfect.

Miyabi, who simply isn't real.

"No, of course not," her father answers gently. "I want you to live your life freely and happily."

She knows that. She knows that already, but he isn't keeping that promise. He always leaves her and all that she has is a dating game. All she has are fantasies, stories, illusions. Nothing is real.

Without a further word she gets up, knowing she's supposed to drink some tea with her dad. In her mind she wishes Miyabi-kun goodbye, promises him she'll be back, and she imagines his voice telling her it was okay, she imagines his smile.

"This picture was taken when I was on my business trip in Japan," a picture is handed over to her and Renge looks at it, not caring at all.

_No way…_

Eyes widen.

"I believe they have a son who's also in high school now," her father continues.

_Found you._

"F-F-Father," Renge stands up.

She smashes the photo on the table.

"I will marry this man!"

_Wait for me, Miyabi-kun._

"Remember the promise you just made to me!" she yells, packing her things.

Without another word she's gone. Gone to find her only love. Gone to find Miyabi-kun. Gone to find something she never expected.

( - …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… - )

When she first opened the door to the Host Club, she was stunned, for she didn't find what she was searching for at all.

She didn't find Miyabi.

She found Ootori Kyouya.

_And Kyouya isn't anything like Miyabi-kun._

She didn't find her true love, never did she find salvation for the loneliness. She found the weirdest club ever. She found a man who looked like Miyabi, but definitely was not him. She found a boy who looked a girl, twins who were nothing but trouble, the worst king ever, a boy nothing more then a child, and boy who didn't even know how to speak.

They were horrible. They were horrible for making her believe in something that was not real. So she decided to change them. Change them all, make them better, make them like they were supposed to be.

It was then that she found out just how different Kyouya was from Miyabi-kun.

He just crushed the lens, crushed the scene, crushed her dreams. Just like that. Without even flinching. Without even caring.

And now she hates him. She hates him.

_Kyouya isn't anything like Miyabi-kun._

( - …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… - )

"_Even if Kyouya-senpai isn't like you imagined him to be, isn't that okay?"_

No.

It's not okay. It's not okay at all.

"_Why? Miyabi-kun would've gentle caressed my head and told me everything was alright?! Why… Someone filled with such a passionate affection as you…"_

Her eyes search for him, but she wishes that she never has to see him again.

"_Because that is not who Kyouya is."_

She knows that. She knows that very well. Kyouya is a horrible person and she doesn't want to see him ever again. Still, her eyes find him and now they did she cannot look away. All she can do is stare at the smile that decorates his face when he talks to the girls. All she can do is drown in the grace of his movements.

But again and again, when her hearts starts racing and she feels like she is going to cry because of the emptiness inside, she tells herself the same thing.

_I'm not in love with Kyouya._

And she forcefully pulls her eyes and attention away from him, rambling about MOE to the first person she finds, just to keep herself from thinking about him.

_Because Kyouya isn't anything like M__iyabi-kun._

She loves Miyabi-kun and hates Kyouya. It's a simple rule and she will not break it. Kyouya broke her heart, made her cry and she would not let that happen again. He fooled her, by pretending to be the one she thought he was, only to hurt her in the end.

She doesn't know why she's still here. She doesn't know why she watches him. She doesn't know why her heart is racing so fast. She doesn't know what it is she wants him to do or say.

She only knows that she hates him. She has to.

_Because Kyouya i__sn't anything like Miyabi-kun._

She leans against the wall, just like she always does, waiting for the right moment to jump in. Waiting for the moment Kyouya would walk up to her and talk to her. No. She doesn't want that. She only…

She doesn't know anymore.

Kyouya must've felt something, someone watching him, because suddenly he looks her way. She stares at him and he looks back. The world seems to freeze and Renge wants to die, just die where she stands, because she is feeling it again. She feels her heart race, her cheeks glow, her mind going blank.

He gives her a small smile and her heart gives up on beating. She wants to hurt him for making her feel like that. He has no right to make her fall in love over and over again, because…

He isn't Miyabi-kun.

Kyouya isn't anything like Miyabi-kun.

He walks up to her and she wants to run, but freezes instead. And all the lively energy is gone, all the flames of MOE die. She can't do anything else than watch how he stops, gives her another small smile and says: "is something the matter, Renge-chan?"

"You guys aren't good enough," she says, because she remembers somewhere back in her mind she was supposed to say something like that.

"Ah, like always," he answers back, looking down upon her with that icy look, that look that makes her want to cry.

She doesn't know what to answer, so she just keeps her mouth.

_You'r__e not anything like Miyabi-kun._

And she still hates him for that. She hates him for not being the one she thought he was. She thinks he'll just go away again, but instead he keeps standing there and pushes his glasses on his nose in such a way that she cannot see his eyes anymore, when he suddenly asks: "The Host Club is organizing a ball… would you like to come?"

She wants to scream 'no', wants to scream in his face that she hates him and that she never wants to be in the same place as he is, but instead she nods and smiles. Smiles for him, smiles at him.

"Great," he says and then he walks away.

She stares at his back, before she also turns around and walks away. Away, away, away. Just to someplace he isn't. Just to someplace where she can forget about him.

Just to a place she know that doesn't exist.

_Kyouya isn't anything like Miyabi-kun._

And she really hates him for that.

( - …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… - )

She hates everything about him. But what she hates the most is that she cannot get him out of her mind.

Since recently, her games are simply boring. She doesn't like them anymore. She just stares at the screen, the controller in her hands, but she doesn't move, she barely breathes. All she thinks of is his smile. His smile that is so different from Miyabi's.

She doesn't love him. She doesn't want to love him. She doesn't want to think about him for another second. She doesn't want him at all.

But she can't stop. She can't forget about it. She can't forget about him. She sighs, leans back in her chair.

He asked her out.

Or something like that.

And she felt happy. She felt so happy that he asked her that, that she's disgust of it. She doesn't want this at all.

She stares at the screen again, at Miyabi's virtual smile.

_I don't like Miyabi-kun._

Eyes widen.

_Because Miyabi-kun isn't anything like Kyouya._

She screams.

She stands up and with a quick movement she throws the controller at the screen. She screams and yells and she feels like crying. She feels like dying, because she knows everything changed now.

She's in love. She loves him and she cannot turn back.

She isn't fangirling over him. She isn't fantasizing over him.

She's really and honestly in love.

It scares her. It scares her so bad she wants to cry and run. She doesn't want this. She doesn't want to be in love with that person, because Kyouya will hate her.

He wouldn't love her back.

She falls on her bed, hides her head in the pillow and wishes she could love Miyabi-kun again. She wishes she could go back to the time where she loved people who weren't real, because they always said what she wanted them to say.

They never hurt her.

But Kyouya could. And she knows that if she's really in love with a person like him, she'll end up hurt. She'll end up alone.

She wants Miyabi back.

( - …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… - )

She is dressed in her most beautiful dress, and her hair is pinned up. She has stood hours and hours for the mirror.

"Renge-chan?" Haruhi smiles to her. "You look really cute."

"Thank you," she smiles back, but she doesn't overflow with happiness because Haruhi just complimented her.

She only wants to hear it from the one who'll never say it to her.

"Haruhiiiiii!" she hears the annoying 'king' nagging and Haruhi excuses himself and walks off.

Renge stands against the wall, like an unwanted stain on a painting. Her eyes search him, pierce through the dancing couples. She wants to see him. She's scared, but she knows she has to tell him.

Yes, she'll tell him tonight, be rejected and hate him even more. She'll come to hate him once again and she'll love Miyabi-kun again. She'll be fine.

She looks at the ground for a few seconds, trying to keep herself from crying where she stands.

"What's with that face?" she freezes and melts at the same time when she hears him talking. "That's not like the Renge I know."

She looks up, and she smiles at him.

"Better?" she asks.

"Much better," he answers back.

Her heart simply stops beating. She's doesn't want to look at him, because she's so afraid she won't be able to get her eyes off him once she does. She wants him to leave, but she wants him to stay with her forever. She wants him to love her, but she wants to hate him.

"Well, then, since we're here…"

She looks up nonetheless. He stands before her, reaching out for her.

He smiles to her, and she can see his eyes for the first time. They're filled with something so soft she thinks she isn't looking at Kyouya anymore. She wants to melt and fly, she wants to dance on the clouds and run away at the same time.

When her hand touches his and she doesn't even know how it got there in the first place, she knows she cannot turn back.

She doesn't want to.

She doesn't want to hate him. She doesn't want to hate him anymore, just because he was not the one she thought he was.

Maybe Haruhi was right. Yes. It is okay. It was okay all along that Kyouya was different from what she imagined.

Her feet move without thinking, she's already used to dancing and she knows the steps like she knows her dating games.

She also knows that he's holding her a little tighter than he's supposed to, and that her head practically lies on his chest. She knows that she's losing herself in the warmth and that she couldn't care less about Miyabi.

Music plays, but all she listens to is the sound of a soft heartbeat. She knows it's real. This is real. More real then anything ever was. She knows that and she feels like smiling, she feels like being happy for that alone.

She's happy as long as she's able to be with him.

And she doesn't need lies anymore, she doesn't need games, she doesn't need fantasies, she doesn't need all the faking.

All she needs is Kyouya.

All she wants is Kyouya.

"Kyouya…" she softly whispers.

He tightens his grip on her a little and her fingers almost clench around the fabric of his blazer, when he asks: "what is it?"

She closes her eyes and smiles, smiles because she is so happy: "I'm happy."

"Ah… about what?" she can feel his breath on her neck.

"That I met you," she answers back, then laughs: "that's not anything like the Renge you know either."

"Not really," he answers back.

The music stops, but he still holds her, when he whispers: "but it's the Renge I'd like to know better."

He gives her another smile, walks off and all she can do is being happy that Kyouya is the person he is and not Miyabi.

The smile on her face doesn't want to leave again and every time when Kyouya looks at her again, even when it just for mere seconds she feels happier then she ever did before.

This was her own moment of MOE, that moment that involved her as well.

( - …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… - )

She doesn't know why, but she stands outside and she's waiting. She's waiting for him to come out and to cross her. She's waiting for the courage to tell him how she feels.

It's cold and she shivers, but she keeps on waiting. When she hears footsteps beside her, that suddenly stop and a voice calling her name, she knows the waiting is over.

She'll tell him.

She'll tell him that she loves him for who he is.

"What are you still doing here?" Kyouya asks her. "It's cold."

"… I was waiting for you," she says, looking away.

"Ah… What is it that you need me for?" he says.

"Uhm… I…" she takes a deep breath.

He looks at her. She looks back and she's not afraid anymore.

_Goodbye Miyabi-kun._

"I…"

_I've __found someone more important than you._

"I like you," she says. "A lot."

_I don't think I will play games that often anymore._

"I know…" he turns away and she feels like dying.

He takes a few steps away from her, while saying: "Because I look like Miyabi."

He wants to walk away, but she takes his hand.

"No." she says firmly, as to tell him she will not repeat it: "I like you for who you are."

"Is that so?" he answers back.

"You're not anything like Miyabi," she releases his hand, but he turns around and looks at her. "And I'm fine with that. Even more… I'm happy about that."

He smiles once more, and before she knows it, her head lays on his chest again and strong arms are wrapped around her.

Eyes widen.

Fantasies fades.

Reality takes over.

And reality is all Renge wants, because in that reality he is kissing her and she doesn't have to be alone anymore.

In this reality, she has all because she has him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okaaaay! Yup, yup, RENGE IS SERIOUSLY DEPRESSING! I'm so sorry XD I just see her as a depressed person. Well... Hope you liked it. Please review


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